From the Weekly World News, bleeding edge of investigative journalism:
POO LA LA! MAN SPEAKS FRENCH OUT OF HIS BUTT
— And he can’t understand a word!
… According to medical records, [Jason Jablonski] was awakened one night last January in his bedroom by a strange voice that seemed to be coming from under his sheets.
“I listened, but was afraid to move,” explains Jablonski. “I thought an intruder may have gotten into bed with me. I couldn’t understand what was being said as it was clearly a foreign speaking voice, and I never took any foreign languages back in school.
“The voice kept saying, ‘Vive la France.’ Finally I threw off the sheets and turned on a light, only to realize the voice was coming straight out of my rear. I was amused and amazed, if also a bit disgusted” Jablonski then reportedly woke his wife Carol and asked her what she thought of the voice. She was more disgusted and less amused than he was and has subsequently left the country.
Communication experts believe that Jablonski is experiencing Intestinal Linguistic Amplification, or ILA, a rare disorder that allows the afflicted to communicate intestinally with other people.
… You know, I tried for a line or two of witty commentary, but I don’t anything could beat “Poo la la!”